Money Can't Buy Happiness
by Undead Specialist
Summary: (AU, Fem Dandy) Dandie Mott, the only child to Gloria Mott, was handed everything she could of ever wanted. All she had to do was ask, and all of her desires would be fulfilled. It wasn't until Dandie discovered that she wanted to be an actress that her dreams were denied. Angered, she turned her attention to the local Freak Show. Full Summary inside. Dandie/Jimmy!
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Money Can't Buy Happiness

**Summary**: (AU, Fem Dandy) Dandie Mott, the only child to Gloria Mott, was handed everything she could of ever wanted. All she had to do was ask, and all of her desires would be fulfilled. It wasn't until Dandie discovered that she wanted to be an actress that her dreams were denied. Angered, she turned her attention to the local Freak Show. All it too was one visit and the young woman was hooked. But what happens when she is turned away? Even Dandie couldn't control the rage. Dandie/Jimmy.

**Author's Note**: Hey! So this was originally going to be a oneshot because I already have an AHS fanfiction going on, but I couldn't resist the idea. Because Dandy (Dandie in this fanfic!) is genderbent, the story will be different in some aspects. For example, Dandie won't be in love with Bette and Dot. So, instead I'll be switching some things around- but don't worry. In the end everything will be the same. Anyway, enough talking. I hope you enjoy! Reviews are highly appreciate. The more of a positive response I get, the more I'll update! One last thing, I just wanted to let you know there is animal cruelty in this chapter. Viewer's discrection is advised. If you are uncomfortable with that, skip to the page break.

**Chapter One**

Dandie Mott sat at end of the extravogent dinning table, opposite of her mother. The heiress rested her cheek in the palm of her left hand as she used her spoon to play with the mountain of mashed potatoes their maid, Dora, had dropped onto her plate. A small sigh escaped her lips as she used her silver spoon to draw a face into her food. From the other end of the table, Gloria Mott frowned at her daughter.

"Dandie, dear?" Her mother spoke up meekly, her voice filled the void in the room.

"Yes, mother?" Dandie looked up. She narrowed her blue eyes in frustration.

"James Smith has been asking about you. He was wondering if it was possible for you to join him tomorrow for lunch." Gloria lifted up her cup of Earl Grey tea, and took a small sip as she waited for her only child's response.

"Smith?" Dandie groaned and dropped her spoon with a clang. "How boring. All he drones on and on about is his families business!"

"He is a nice boy, though. Besides his family business is something to be proud of." The older woman shrugged her shoulders.

"If I have to sit through an hour of him talking about the oil industry, I'll go absolutely crazy! I refuse." Dandie made a face of disgust, and pushed her plate away. "Just thinking about it makes my stomach churn. He's a utter pig!"

"Please, dear. Just this once!" Dora approached Gloria and offered her more string peas, but Ms. Mott simply shook her head no. "If you go tomorrow, I have a special surprise for you."

"Mother, your suprises are the worst. If your surprise is as good as you think it is, then tell me." The dark haired girl threw her napkin onto the table.

"If you go to lunch with James Smith, I'll take you to the Freak Show! I'll buy out the entire tent, just for you." Gloria's thin lips pulled into a smile.

"The one that I was talking about? The one just on the other side of the hill, with the conjoined twins?" Dandie's interest was now piked. She straightened up her back, and looked at her mother with pleading eyes.

"Anything for you. All I ask is that you go to lunch with James Smith tomorrow." Gloria dabbed her lips with her napkin, suddenly feeling proud that she had her daughter's full attention.

"Ugh, fine. I'll go to lunch with that cow." Dandie pushed her chair back, and stood up. "I'll be in my room."

The bratty girl pushed past Dora who stood at the door in case they needed anything, and stomped up the crescent shaped staircase. Her heels clacked on the marble floor as she made her way to her private quarters. Why wouldn't her mother just give up? Dandie knew she wasn't wife material, let alone fit to be a mother. The thought of having to marry some boring man and push a child out of her loins was not only terrifying, but extremely unappealing. Why couldn't her mother just accept her for who she was, and let her have a try at acting?

Once Dandie was in her room, she stripped herself of the light blue dress, and dropped it on the floor for Dora to later clean up. Her room was already fairly messy. In the center of the marble floor was a small croquet set-up. At the far end of it was a medium sized lounge chair, and just past that was her ruby colored bed. To the left side of the room was a rocking horse. To the right, was a large oak toy chest and a white dresser.

Dandie pulled open the dresser and retrieved her pajamas: a simple white lace nightgown that reached her ankles. After she slipped it on, she picked her favorite toy out of the toy chest. It was of a stuff giraffe, it's long neck limp from being squeezed too much. She was about to get into bed when she heard a small noise just outside of her windows. Crossing the room, Dandie peeked outside the window. A few feet away from it was the neighbor's cat.

"Hello there," Dandie purred at it.

With a smirk plastered on her face, Dandie hurried to the dresser and pulled out a silver pair of scissors she had managed to hide into it. Quite frankly she was shocked that Dora hadn't found it, but it was time's like this she was glad that the older woman hadn't. She dropped the giraffe on the dresser's top, and opened up the window.

Carefully, she propped out the screen, and climbed on out. The mud squished under Dandie's feet as she crossed the cold grass. The night sky was dark, with not a cloud in sight. The moon was full and the stars that dotted around it provided just enough light for her to see where she was going. The ginger cat perked up when Dandie was just a few inches away. Dandie got down on the grass, not caring whether or not her nightgown got mud on it. Dora would clean it out, and even if she were to complain about it her mother would undoubtedly do nothing to reprehend Dandie.

The cat carefully approached Dandie, sniffing at her wearily. After a moment, the feline approached her, and even began to rub up against her leg. Dandie grinned manically, mumbling that he was a good kitty. She sat down on her bottom, and pulled the cat into her arms. It willingly took a seat in her warm lap.

"So delicate. Even a small beast like yourself has a soul, a beating heart and blood rushing through your veins." Dandie mused out loud and carefully stroked it's soft fur.

After a few minutes, Dandie lifted the pair of scissors and examined them under the moonlight. It's sharp jaws was already stained with blood from other furry creatures that she had ended. It wasn't that Dandie didn't like pets. They were cute, but after awhile they got boring. _Especially cats_. All they would ever do when she had them as a child, would sleep, eat, and throw attitudes at her! The feeling that crept up inside her when she kiled them was indescribable. Just the thought of it sent goosebumps up her arms!

Dandie lifted the cat's chin up, exposing the small neck. Using her other hand, Dandie opened up the scissors so that the she could use the sharp inner sides of it. With one swift motion, she used the scissor to slice the cat's throat open. Before it could hiss, blood began to pour out. It's nails were extracted and dug into her legs, but as it's blood poured out of the open wound, it's body went slack in her lap. Once she was sure it was dead, Dandie lifted it's cold corpse off of her lap and sat it down in the grass.

Seeing as her dress was covered in blood from the cat, she used some of the clean parts of it to clean off the scissors. Without a second thought, Dandie pulled herself up from the grass and headed back into her room. She called in through the window, and once inside she peeled the bloody nightgown off and dropped it just outside the window for Dora to handle in the morning. Dandie clicked the screen back into place, and slid the window close.

"Poor cat. You'd think that they'd learn not to come around here any more." Dandie thought back to the other stay pets she had killed. Four cats now, and two dogs. She found killing the dogs to be slightly harder, because of their size. She had even got a nasty bite from one of them before!

She rolled her stoney eyes and pulled out a nightgown similar to the one she had been wearing earlier, expect now this one was tinted a soft pink. After she got dressed she hid her scissors once again and grabbed her stuffed giraffe. Dandie crossed her room, leaving muddy footprints on the once spotless floor. Dandie climbed into her bed, and slowly fell asleep for the rest of the night.

* * *

><p>Dandie found herself sat at lunch with the infamous James Smith. He had picked for them to meet at a five-star restaurant in the heart of Jupiter. Now, here she was sitting before him. James had his blond hair slick back, his big chocolate eyes were filled with hope that Dandie would change her mind about him. He worse a black suit, paired with an aqua colored tie. Across from him, sat Dandie. Her jet black hair was pinned back and curled. Her eyes, unlike James, were dreary and filled with distaste. Much to her mother's personal desire, Dandie wore a mint green dress that had white trimming, along with a white Peter Pan collar.<p>

"I'm so glad you decided to have lunch with me," James smiled, his teeth so white they blinded Dandie.

"It's what my mother wishes," She shrugged and took a sip of her water. "She thinks I don't have much options." Dandie giggled, "No offense."

"You don't want to get yourself a husband?" His eye brows scrunched up with confusion.

"Mind you James, not all women want to get married and have a child. In case you haven't noticed, it's the fifties. Times have changed!" Dandie frowned at him.

"What do you want to do with your life, then?" He picked up his menu and looked it over, as if he hadn't been there before. Dandie knew it was all show, though. No other restaurants in Jupiter were as good as this one. Even she had been to it a dozen of times.

"I want to be an actress," Her eyes' shone with eagerness. "I don't care if I'm on the television or in movies. I read all about it in a magazine!"

"Pfft," James snorted. "Let's be real, Dandie. Just hear me out," He put his menu back down. "If you marry me, all you have to do is have one child. Once my father retires I'll have enough money to take care of you your entire life. If you're worried about living comfortably, then fear not. Besides, it's a more stable plan than becoming an actress." He rolled his eyes at the end.

"You are such a pig!" Dandie accused him. She slammed her menu onto the table. "You are completely, and utterly arrogant. I told mother you weren't worth my time." She stood up from the table, and squeezed her fists. "I rather be poor if it meant I wouldn't have to marry an ass like you!"

With that, Dandie stomped off. James tried to stop her, but she simply brushed him off. When she got to the restaurant's front desk, she asked to use their telephone. The manager seemed reluctant, but once she threatened to buy the place out and fire him, he decided to hand the phone over. The young woman dialed her mother's phone number and pressed the cold phone to her ear. Using her left index finger, she curled the extension cord. When her mother picked up after a few minutes, she let out a sign of relief.

"Come pick me up. I was right, James is a horrible cow!" Dandie half pleaded, half shouted at her mother.

"I'm sorry you had a bad time, honey. Don't worry, I'll be on my way. Just remember in a couple of hours I'll be taking you to the freak show. If that doesn't cheer you up, I don't know what will!" Her mother hung up the phone.

Dandie handed it back to the restaurant's manager, and mumbled a thanks. All that mattered to her was that in two hours, she would be sitting in the middle of the freak show and her mother would never ask her to spend any more time with that disgusting James Smith.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note**: Oh my gosh, thank you guys so much for the sweet reviews, and favorites! They really do keep me going!

**Chapter Two**

Not long after the worst lunch of her life, Dandie found herself sat in the front seat of her mother's car and on the way to the freak show. She bit down on her lower lip, barely able to keep her excitement contained. Did they really have a pair of conjoined twins? Did this Elsa Mars woman actually manage to collect some of the world's greatest curiosities? Just the thought of it made Dandie's heart swell with envy!

As they made their way down the long, narrow road Dandie kept her eyes peeled. It took only a few minutes until the show of the hour came into view. Sat in the middle of a large field was a large tent. Dotted around it was a few other smaller tents, as well as a few caravans. It was nothing special, but to Dandie it represented more than that. It represented freedom. Sure they were freaks, but being so low on the totem pole allowed them to run away from their troubles. They were allowed to embrace themselves, and even act! It's everything that Dandie has ever wanted.

They pulled up to the entry way. A long wooden walk way led up to a cardboard cut out of a devil's face. The mouth was wide opened, and led into what was undoubtedly the main show tent. Along the side of the walk way was at least a dozen of large banners advertising the different acts. As soon as her mother stopped the car, Dandie jumped out and hurried over to banners. As she walked towards the devil's face, she admired the different banner ads. There was one of advertising 'Amazon Eve', and extremely tall women. Just next to that one, was one for 'Ma Petite', the world's smallest women.

Out of all the banners, the one promoting the conjoined twins and the Lobster Boy interested her most. She stopped in front of the Lobster Boy banner, and stared up at it in awe. When her mother finally caught up, she let out a small sigh.

"Dear, you can't go running off like that!" Gloria reached into her purse and pulled out the pair of tickets.

"Oh, shut up." Dandie rolled her eyes.

Without a second thought, the dark haired girl turned away from the banner and headed on into the tent. She stopped once inside, and took a good look at the place. There was an old stage that looked it would collapse the moment a tad bit too much weight was put onto it. The curtain's that hid the rest of the stage was covered in moth holes- some of them patched up using mix matched pieces of fabric. A grand piano sat just below the left side of the stage. Other than that, the rest of the room was simply filled with metal fold out chairs.

"We can sit anywhere you'd like!" Dandie's mother chirped.

Dandie casted her a look as if to say, 'tell me something I don't know'. She shook her head and found a seat in the front middle section of the right side of the stage. A few seats from the far right side of the tent, she took a seat. It took only two minutes of sitting there before Dandie began to tap her foot anxiously. What took tem so long? Were they waiting on others? Why didn't her mother tell them?

"Do you like your seat?" Gloria asked. "You can pik any one you want."

"I want your seat," Dandie crossed her arms, annoyed with her aging mother.

"Oh, a-alright. Mother kept it toasty for you." She picked herself up, and took a seat in the next chair over.

The spoiled young adult groaned and moved over as well into her mother's seat. After a moment someone peeked their head out of the curtain and quickly went back stage after she saw no one else was there. Exactly at seven thirty, the show began. Dandie pulled up her brass magnify glasses, and held them up to her eyes. As each freak came out she couldn't help but stare at their deformities. Their imperfections were simply perfect to her!

When Lobster Boy came onto stage, she watched intently. Introduced as Jimmy Darling, the man with 'lobster claws', began to show them offf. He even did a small juggling act! When he walked off stage, Dandie clapped eagerly for him. After him came on Ma Petite, followed by the conjoined twins. Both of them wore their dark brown hair in a bobbed style. They wore a nice, yellow dress that reached their knees. The one on the left looked angry and uncomfortable, while the one on the right looked grateful and happy.

"Freaks!" Dandie pissed as she stared at their neck, where they began to branch off into two different people.

The show didn't last long after that. Elsa Mars performed a terrible song, about life on Mars. Whatever the hell that meant. Dandie yawned at her performance. Who did the old hag think she was, with her hair done up like that and her makeup so heavily applied she actually looked like a clown. Her singing was mediocer, if anything. Even with the fake waves and moving cardboard cut out of a rocket, the song wasn't any good. The moment it ended, Dandie turned to her mother.

"I want those conjoined twins and Lobster Boy. You always talk about how you wished I had friends. Buy them." Dandie's eyes were hard as she looked down at her mother.

"I'll try my best for you," Gloria stood up and led the two of them backstage.

They got a few weird looks as they made their way through the tent and up to Elsa. She stood there, speaking adimately to the conjoined twins. A few feet away, was Lobster Boy himself. Dandie clasped her arms behind her back as her mother pulled out her check book and approached Elsa.

"Sorry, the show is over. Come back tomorrow," Elsa's thick German accent shown through.

"I'd like to buy the conoined twins, as well as Lobster Boy. I'm willing to pay $15,000 for the conjoined twins, and nothing more unless they grow a third head. As for Lobster Boy, I'm willing to pay another $7,500." Gloria opened up her check book to show that she meant business.

"We want to stay here," The angry looking twin spat out at them, casting a nasty look in Dandie's direction.

"This is our family now," The nicer one mused.

"You've heard it from them. They aren't for sale." Elsa sided with them. There was no way she was going to give up her headlining act.

"What about Lobster Boy?" Gloria frowned.

"Jimmy," The leader of freaks called out to Loster Boy.

The man looked up from the ground, wondering why he was called. He wore a simple white shirt, along with a dark pair of jeans. His brunette hair was gelled down, a curl hung in the middle of his forehead a lot like the greasers Dandie heard some much about. He slauntered over to the small group.

"Yeah?" He asked, confused.

"These women would like to buy you for $7,500." Elsa gestured to Dandie and her mother.

"Buy? As in live with you two, or something?" Jimmy's eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"Exactly! We have an amazing home. It's incredibly large, and you could have whatever you want." Dandie flashed him a smile.

"I'm not for sale," The Lobster Boy shook his head. "Miss Elsa here has been generous to me. I can't just get up and leave her like nothing, now can't I?"

"Of course you can," Dandie frowned. Why did he want to stay with this old goat?

"You've heard it from both of them. I'm sorry, but you two need to leave now." Elsa glared at Dandie.

Dandie shot a nasty look back at her, and balled her hands into fists. They were clenched so tightly that her knucks turned white. She spun around on her heel and stomped out of the tent, pushing past the Illustrated Seal with so much anger that the taller man almost fell over.

"Dandie, dear! Please wait!" Gloria pleaded as she struggled to keep up with her young daughter.

Completely ignoring her stupid mother, Dandie stomped off towards the car. First off, who did Elsa think she is? She's just some old cow who couldn't sing, had a horrible fashion taste, and could barely do her makeup! The conjoined twins were ungrateful bastards who didn't, and probably never realize how good of an opportunity they turned down. Jimmy, on the other hand- could be manipulated. Dandie was sure of it. She already had guys wrapped around her finger! As Dandie got into the car, she stole one last look at the freak show for today.

"I'll be back tomorrow." Dandie mused out loud. She could talk to Jimmy one on one. Sure it would be nice to convince the twins as well, but that seemed to be a different challenge o complete later on.


End file.
